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3 divorce dilemmas: Which one are you facing?

We all have our own reasons for entering into divorce proceedings. Many North Carolina residents want to stay in their relationships; others want to leave their relationships; and often, the feeling is mutual. Whatever the reasons behind your decision to divorce -- and they are likely many and varied -- you're probably facing one of three common divorce "dilemmas."

Which of these "dilemmas" are you facing? Or could you be facing more than one?

-- You're the one who wants a divorce, but you're not sure. Divorce will impact more than just you. It will impact your children, if you have them, and it will impact your spouse, your other family members and your friends. You're likely feeling the pressure to make the decision. The thing is, you may not ever know for sure, since your decision to divorce is a personal one. You'll ultimately not want to make the decision based on emotions or your ego. Be rational when you file.

-- Your spouse is the one who wants the divorce. You're probably feeling "reactive" and you feel like a victim, like your life is out of your control. You could be depressed and have a feeling of emotional devastation. You may want to ask: Am I clinging to the familiar feeling of a relationship and a love that was just an illusion? One thing for you is certain: It's difficult to get "realistic" when you're in this kind of emotional place.

-- You want a divorce because your spouse "broke" your marriage. You may be feeling like everything is your partner's fault. You're probably convinced that you partner caused your marital breakdown and your loss of feelings for him or her and the relationship. Maybe you're right. Maybe your spouse did cause the problem that ended your marriage. However, if you only focus on blame and anger -- and you don't feel your fears and sadness and stay rational about what happened -- your divorce proceedings could be fraught with conflict, tension and difficulty.

There is a peaceful way to divorce if you can get past whatever divorce dilemmas you're facing. A skilled North Carolina divorce lawyer can help you stay rational and help you try to negotiate with your soon-to-be ex to arrive at a divorce agreement that honors the needs and rights of both spouses.

Source:, "Are You Really Ready for Divorce? The 8 Questions You Need to Ask," Bruce Derman, accessed July 10, 2017