The Search for Meaning in Marriage

Even divorce lawyers agree that society would be better off with a lower divorce rate. Some people argue that the statistics are misleading. According to them, the divorce rate has soared because women enjoy the relatively newfound freedom to leave unhappy marriages. This narrative begs the question, of course, of why the marriage was unhappy in the first place.

So what does marriage mean today — legally, emotionally, and socially? It is important to explore how meaning in marriage fares when confronted with legal realities, relationship dynamics, and evolving expectations.

Marriage as a source of identity and purpose

Once upon a time, marriage was an economic arrangement, as it remains in many cultures today. The less affluent the society, the more marriage is an economic partnership based on the need to survive. Marrying for love was once a luxury most people couldn’t afford.

Times have changed, however. Now, many people grow up hoping to meet their “soulmate”  — the one and only one person who the universe picked out for them. The one person who will meet all of their emotional needs and support their quest for self-actualization, meaning, and emotional depth. With expectations this high, it’s not surprising that the number of people divorcing is so high.

How expectations shape marital satisfaction and conflict

The higher expectations that characterize modern marriage in industrialized countries are a double-edged sword. While it can destabilize marriages when one or both spouses fail to meet expectations, it can also lead to an emotional depth between spouses that was almost unknown even a couple of hundred years ago.

Psychologist Eli J. Finkel echoes the more optimistic proponents of modern marriage in his critically acclaimed book The All-or-Nothing Marriage. Although he agrees that modern marriages are less stable than traditional ones because they demand so much more from us, he ultimately concludes that the best marriages today are far more fulfilling than the best marriages of yesteryear.

Nevertheless, the bottom line is that it takes two to make a marriage work. Unmet expectations can lead to disillusionment, which can in turn lead to legal disputes or divorce.

The legal framework of marriage still matters

While the emotional meaning of marriage evolves, the significance and legal structure of marriage remains powerful because it affects the following legal issues:

• Property and asset division
• Inheritance rights
• Taxation
• Child custody
• Child support payments

Not all marriages are created equal. Some are emotionally intimate and some are not. Either way, marriage has powerful legal consequences.

Meaning, marriage, and the law: a complex interplay

Modern marriage today operates at the intersection of personal identity and legal structure. For many, it is not just a union but a narrative — a shared story about who we are and what we value. When that narrative falters, legal systems are often asked to step in — not just to divide property but to untangle meaning.

What makes modern marriage unique is this dual role. It is both a deeply emotional bond and a legal contract. When a couple grows apart, it’s not just the emotional connection that breaks down — it’s also the legal partnership. This complexity means that divorce is rarely just about “who gets what.” It’s often about redefining identity, rebuilding stability, and rediscovering individual meaning within new boundaries.

When meaning breaks down: divorce and redefinition

Divorces often happen when partners grow apart. Many spouses, intent on searching for meaning together, gradually come to define themselves in terms of their relationship. Yet many people redefine themselves, and even find new purpose, after divorce. Modern divorce is not necessarily about failure. Instead, it can be about realigning your life with a new set of values.

The role of family law in emotional transitions

The emotional currents that may seem to define your life can be offset by legal processes (separation, divorce, custody, etc.) that provide needed structure during times of emotional turmoil. Your lawyer can also provide you with structure by framing the issues that concern you in a rational rather than emotional light. That’s a lot easier to do as a lawyer than as a party to a divorce proceeding.

A good family lawyer understands each case not simply as a legal dispute but also as emotional turning points in the lives of the people involved. Your family law attorney can guide you through this life transition with an acute understanding of both the legal issues and the stakes for you personally.

Tips for couples navigating marital meaning and uncertainty

After many long years of marriage, you might feel you are at a crossroads in your life — and you might not be sure you want to take the same path as your spouse. Before you file for divorce, make sure you have tried other options. Initiate open conversations with your spouse about values, expectations, and individual goals. You might find you have more in common than you realize.

Talking to your spouse might not be able to bridge the gap between you, of course. You might need some outside assistance. Consider therapy, financial planning, and mediation before you resort to legal action. Knowledge brings clarity, and clarity brings with it a certain peace of mind.

Is it OK to seek escape from an unfulfilling marriage?

The answer is a decided “yes,” at least if you are not doing so frivolously. In some cases, courts may find that children fare better in separate households, especially when the home environment has become high-conflict or emotionally damaging.. If you are questioning your marriage or contemplating separation or divorce, don’t hesitate to consult with a compassionate, experienced family law attorney.

Contact North Carolina family law firm Epperson Law Group PLLC to schedule a meeting where you can tell your story and we can explore your options. Since we are trilingual, you can contact us in English, Spanish, and Greek.