When the Truth Surfaces: Discovering a Spouse’s Hidden Life When They’re in a Coma

Betrayal by a spouse is one of the most painful things you can ever experience. The aftermath is often filled with difficult conversations and questions that you both do and don’t want the answers to. But what happens when you can’t get answers to your questions? What happens when your spouse’s lies and secret life come to light when they are in a coma?

This scenario is rare, but may be more common than you may think. One woman discovered that her husband of 20 years had been carrying on a 2.5-year-long affair when she accessed her comatose husband’s phone to try to notify family members of his condition. If you look into online support forums, you’ll find countless people whose lives were ravaged when they discovered a deceased or comatose spouse’s secret life.

Being left to put together the pieces by yourself is mentally draining, and it’s even harder when you can’t find out why your spouse hurt you so much. It’s no surprise, then, that some people ultimately decide to divorce. Learn more about the specifics of divorcing someone during a coma now, and for more personalized guidance, contact Epperson Law Group, PLLC.

Can you divorce someone who’s in a coma?

The short answer is yes. You can’t force someone to stay in a marriage they don’t want to be in, even if their spouse is comatose and cannot advocate for themselves. The longer answer is yes, but expect it to take more time and involve a lot more steps.

First, someone who is in a coma will likely be considered mentally incapacitated, although incapacity must be formally determined by the court. They obviously cannot advocate for themselves or be expected to act in their own best interest, which makes divorce challenging.

Additionally, North Carolina generally requires that spouses live in separate residences for at least one continuous year. A spouse’s coma does not automatically prevent the separation period from counting, but courts evaluate physical separation and intent on a case-by-case basis.

Next, we address the question of how the divorce is negotiated and agreed upon.

Power of attorney vs. betrayal: Who controls what when trust is broken?

As a spouse, you may be authorized to make medical decisions on your partner’s behalf, unless a health care power of attorney or guardian exists. For financial or legal decisions, you generally need a power of attorney or a court-appointed guardian.

During a divorce, the court is unlikely to allow you to stand in for your spouse, as what you want may be directly contradictory to what your spouse would want or what is in their best interests. Instead, you’ll likely need to ask the court to appoint a guardian to manage your spouse’s affairs. That guardian can retain legal counsel and participate in the process on your spouse’s behalf, advocating for their interests. Depending on the circumstances, the court may appoint a sibling, parent, other relative, or close friend who is willing and able to serve.

This may seem like a lot of extra work (and it is), but it is also in everyone’s best interests. Doing everything legally and above board ensures that, whenever you do reach an agreement, it will be legally binding. Should your spouse eventually wake up and find out that they’re divorced, you don’t want to have to go back through this process because you cut corners.

Protecting yourself legally when secrets surface

Your partner being comatose can affect every part of the divorce process. You should plan from the beginning to defend yourself and protect your rights. First, expect people to judge you for divorcing your comatose spouse. They’ll assume that you’re leaving your spouse when they need you most. You can decide how much of your story you want to tell. You don’t have to reveal the details of your spouse’s betrayal, but you also don’t have to accept abuse hurled your way by people who think you’re abandoning your partner.

Regardless of which path you choose, ensure that you have evidence of your spouse’s infidelity. Even though North Carolina is a no-fault divorce state, adultery may still be relevant. Having documentation of what you discovered may be helpful context for related issues like equitable distribution or alimony – and for your own peace of mind. Should the court question why you waited to divorce until this moment, when your spouse cannot defend themselves, it’s helpful to show what you discovered during their coma and why it’s enough for you to take this step.

Additionally, proof of secret bank accounts, secret credit cards, marital funds used on an affair partner, or property and debt acquired without your knowledge can help you secure a fair division of assets.

It’s also important to keep meticulous records during this time period. The party assigned to serve as your spouse’s guardian will have full legal authority to access financial records and question any misuse of marital funds, so this is not the time to empty out your shared bank accounts or start selling off marital assets. You should approach the divorce the exact same way you would if your spouse were not comatose.

Having your own divorce lawyer throughout this process is ideal. You are going through something incredibly painful that a very small percentage of people will ever experience, and you have enough to handle without also trying to navigate the legal complexities of divorcing a comatose spouse. Your lawyer can help ensure that the entire process is handled ethically and legally, while accounting for your children’s needs and any changes that may need to be made in the future if your spouse recovers.

Get the legal support you need with Epperson Law Group, PLLC

At Epperson Law Group, PLLC, we understand that you never expected to find yourself in this position. We’re here to help you through it. Reach out online or call us today to set up a consultation.