There are so many pitfalls of divorce that you are unfortunately forced to learn as you go. Every divorce is as different as the people going through one so it stands to reason that while some events will be similar, everyone’s overall experience will be unique. At some point you begin to realize that adjusting takes time and even the simplest things might seem brand new, but you might be surprised by the adjustments you need to make.
You could land back in court next month or next year
You thought that once your divorce decree was filed that it was all over. Maybe it is, but maybe it isn’t. Final decrees routinely still require both of you to complete certain actions, typically with finalizing property division, and if you have children, there are probably rules to be followed as to how to co-parent. Everything might be perfectly fine for a while but eventually if there’s a bump in the road that can’t be resolved, you or your former spouse might choose to have a judge settle the problem.
There may be unexpected financial glitches
Did you get the home in your divorce, or did you receive a share of its equity? If your credit has taken a hit, or your spouse’s income was considered when making large purchases, you may not qualify on your own, or may not qualify for the amount you need.
For example: say you retained the former marital residence, but need to refinance it to remove your former spouse’s name as part of your final settlement. Your credit may prevent you from doing that, and you could be placed in a position of being in contempt of a court order. Even just learning how to manage your finances could be a challenge if that responsibility didn’t fall under your domain.
Co-parenting may be a challenge
If you have children, they are going to be spending time between two different households. If you and your former spouse were on the same page with how to raise your children during your marriage, it might be okay, but divorce also has a way of making parents feel guilty. Suddenly homework isn’t being done on time, or rules aren’t being followed and the parent enforcing everything is now the monster. Add to the mix that at some point you both may move on romantically and have significant others attempting to assert himself or herself as a parent to your children. The other parent is not likely to take kindly to a stranger implementing rules for your children to follow.
That being said, divorce can make you a better parent
Your children have likely felt thrust into the background while you were in the midst of divorce and all of the time-consuming tasks that come with the process. As much as parents may try to shield their children from the reality that their family unit is crumbling, kids know much more about what’s going on than you realize. Once it’s finally over, you can get back to focusing on them and their needs, and you can do it without all of the chaos that was taking place prior to your divorce. The environment in both households may suddenly feel like a breath of fresh air for everyone, making it a healthier situation for your children to thrive in.
Friendships may become fickle
As a couple, you tend to socialize with other couples. Divorce has a way of unsettling the apple cart that is your social group, and you should be prepared to potentially lose mutual friends or married friends. You socialized as couples, did girls nights or guys nights with your “tribe,” talked about your married lives; now, they don’t know what to do with you because many of your commonalities no longer exist. In addition, often times in divorce, friends choose sides. Even when you thought someone might have been on your side, you might learn through awkward silence that he or she really wasn’t in your corner.
The friends you keep will offer “well-meaning” advice, and a lot of it
Your friends will have a lot of advice. Most of it will be terrible. Some of it will reflect their own feelings of loss and anger. Almost all of it will be well-intentioned, and almost all of it will prove useless.
Because you have the right to deal with your divorce in your own way. While there are many books written on divorce and how to get through major life changes, nobody can truly tell you what’s right for you. You can be happy, sad, relieved, devastated, or embody all of these emotions. There is no right or wrong way to get past your divorce, and you may have to feel your way through it. If you think counseling services would help, then seek out a professional to talk through your grief. If taking a trip to get away and clear your head is what you need, take one.
If you are contemplating divorce, the attorneys at Epperson Law Group, PLLC are here to help guide you through the difficult decisions to make sure you remain protected during the process whether you require advice on child custody or modifications, or alimony. We handle each case in a discreet, respectful manner for clients in the Charlotte, Boone and Weddington areas. To schedule a consultation with one of our caring divorce attorneys, call 704-321-0031 or reach out to us through our contact page.